I Will Not Vote For Hillary Clinton

As the Iowa Caucus draws near at an alarming pace, American voters seem incomprehensibly swept up in Hillary mania… at least some of them. I, however, have been thoroughly inoculated against Clinton-Fever (a disease so deadly that it threatens to wipe out our very way of life). It’s not that the Hill-cat is pure evil, like many other politicians, it’s just that she’s a self-serving, spineless twit with a feeling of entitlement larger than that of Princes William and Harry combined. Supporting Hillary Clinton is like supporting an empty jar… you can fill it with whatever you’d like and place it on the shelf to admire, but so can everyone else. At the end of the day, the jar is going to look completely different in every home and has no substance of its own. At least with a jar, you can use it to can tomatoes.

First and foremost, Clinton is a politician. Ask her the same question three times and you’ll get three different answers, not completely different, but just different enough to gain your support. Her general idea is consistent, but the details skew to the popular crowd… Hillary Clinton is the fat kid in the back of the room willing to sacrifice it all just to get a date with the prom queen. As a voter, you are the prom queen, now pat yourself on the back and head out to the proverbial Trans Am to be pandered right out of your virtue.

Now, this isn’t all just snappy, sophomoric jabs at the Clintonator, I have legitimate reasons for my legitimate dislike… and no, none of them are “Because she’s a woman.” Although there are legitimate questions about a woman’s ability to stand nose-to-nose with nations that regard the female gender as second class citizens, countless women have come before her and proven that it just simply isn’t an issue. Look, if Madeline Albright can get Kim Jong Il’s attention, I assure you that Hillary Clinton won’t have any problems with the rest of the world… largely because we’re America, and we have a hell of a lot of bombs. My issues with Clinton are with her policy, her voting record and her vision for our country, so toss out the misogyny claims right now.

So, presented here in user-friendly bullet point format, are the reasons I dislike Hillary Clinton:

1. Polls, polls, polls. If there’s a poll suggesting that 51% of voters support drowning kittens, Hillary Clinton will be front-and-center in the great kitten drowning movement of ’07. It’s no wonder that Clinton sits at the top of the party’s pyramid, she’s in favor of everything you’re in favor of… even if you don’t agree with everyone else she’s agreeing with. Take the war for example, if you’re for it, she’s with you, if you’re against it, she’s with you, if you want to wait and see, she’s fine with that. In fact, if you cornered her away from the press and suggested that we arm the troops with light sabers and Vulcan ears in order to best thwart the efforts of “the empire,” she’d make it the foremost issue of her campaign… as long as you were standing there.

The problem with governing by poll numbers is this: no matter what question you ask, there’s always some jackass that sees things a little differently. If you asked 1001 NBA fans “Should Tim Donaghy be permitted to call the NBA Finals single-handedly, even if he’s found guilty of fixing games for the mob?” I assure you that someone will say yes. It works that way in every poll, hell, 500 people voted for Otis Hensley. Most people that are willing to take the time to answer poll questions are so thoroughly detached from reality that their opinion is marginal at best.


Reason 34, she appears to be a Yankees fan.

2. International Issues. Internationally, Clinton just doesn’t seem to have much of a plan. She agrees that we need to work to normalize efforts with our enemies, but would refuse to meet with them. She agrees that the genocide in Darfur is bad, but would take the military option off of the table. She agrees that Chinese takeout might be good tonight, but can’t commit to making the call. Hillary Clinton is, as usual, both for and against everything. In the magical land of Hillary, our enemies will be so thrilled to be rid of George W. Bush, that they’ll just begin tossing roses at our feet. The forecast will call for sunshine and rainbows, chocolate rivers will flow and the UN Security Council will resemble the animatronic cast of It’s A Small World. Unfortunately, that’s just not the case.

Certainly each of these places hate President Dubya with a passion only matched by Dick Cheney’s insatiable lust for cheese fries, but simply removing him from power won’t change the fact that they also hate our international policy in general. Whether or not you like the practices of another nation, as President of the United States it just so happens to be your JOB to speak with those individuals in an attempt to normalize relations and reach a level of compromise. That’s the entire point of negotiation! You rarely have to have sit-downs with your allies… they’re your ALLIES! They agree with you! The presidency isn’t all photo-ops with friendly nations, from time to time you will actually disagree with people that live thousands of miles away and come from completely different religious, cultural and political backgrounds… imagine that? Granted, this may be difficult for Clinton, as she has never completely disagreed with anyone in her life.

As far as international use of military force goes, there is certainly a time and place for picking up the guns. I’m not one to typically support armed combat, as it could usually have been avoided through a few actual conversations. However, there are times when all other options are simply exhausted. World Wars I & II, yes. Vietnam, no. Afghanistan, yes. Iraq, no. It’s really a very simple equation. When dealing with the type of problem presented in Sudan, is anyone really foolish enough to believe that a handful of empty sanctions and 200 guys in powder blue helmets (without guns) will do anything whatsoever to alleviative the suffering of thousands of innocent people? What sanctions are you talking about, Hillary? What can you take from a group of people living in the desert in makeshift huts, desperate and with nothing to call their own? Are you going to slam down your fist and demand that they put down the machine gun or else you’ll take away their sand? Maybe give them more sand? Hell, that machine gun may be their only Earthly possession. Certainly we should attempt to solve the Darfur situation in any diplomatic manner possible, but when those options fail (and they most surely will), we need to be prepared to vaporize the camps holding these monsters and their leaders. As we sit here blogging about this, another child is being slaughtered, another village burned and another woman raped… surely any sane person would have no problem whatsoever opening fire on their attackers.


Reason 67, “carved from stone” Hillary has an uncomfortably long neck.

3. Domestic Issues. I could spend the next hour pointing out exactly where Hillary goes wrong on domestic policy. However, to spare you, I’ll just focus on two… her favorite issue and one that is dominating American conversation.

First, health care. In her early days as First Lady, Clinton advocated a universal health care system with the vigor of a college student at a protest rally. She banged on doors, made stump speeches and pissed off dozens of Republican leaders. She made true believers out of many Americans, issuing promises of medicine for all and suffering for none… then she lost. Her health care initiative was defeated in congress, and Hillary ran away. Rather than fight on for something that she cared so deeply about, she turned tail and wandered into the shadows, subsequently thousands of Americans died from lack of health care.

As if her cowardice wasn’t enough, she then saw it fit to accept nearly one million dollars in funding from the health care lobby… the same boogeymen she decried only a few years earlier. It appeared that Hillary Clinton was trying to become Senator Clinton, and that took money. So, with an eager hand (and a mortgaged soul), Clinton accepted mountains of money from those that profit from your illness, second only to the warmest, cuddliest Senator around, Rick Santorum.

Putting the sniffles (or cancer, AIDS, heart disease… take your pick) aside for a moment, let’s take a look at the Hillocopter’s stance on one of our nation’s true “hot button” issues of the day, immigration. Recently her office released a position paper on the topic, suggesting that Clinton strongly opposed “one-sided solutions that simply sound tough.” She demanded a pathway to citizenship for hard-working illegals just trying to find a place in our great nation, and I actually applauded her. Then came this little nugget of information: In a February 2003 radio interview, Clinton remarked that she was “ adamantly against illegal immigrants,” even suggesting that our nation ““might have to move toward an ID system even for citizens.” I’m not sure exactly which of those ideas happens to be seeking our nation’s highest office, but at least she avoided any “one sided solutions that simply sound tough.”


Reason 92, her extra-terrestrial affairs

4. Trust. I am currently 27 years, 8 months and 23 days old. In my life, I’ve been fortunate enough to have a president in which I can put my trust for exactly 1 year, 2 months and 19 days. That statistic just isn’t very impressive, especially when you consider that at the moment said president left office, I was exactly 1 year, 2 months and 19 days old. I’m talking, of course, about Jimmy Carter. Whether you love or hate Carter, it’s impossible to argue that he wasn’t trustworthy. He may not have been the best president to ever hang his hat in the Oval Office, but he always told the truth as he saw it… which undoubtedly cost him reelection. Since Reagan took the oath of office, presidential politics have without fail been a cesspool of negativity, lies, scandals and fraud. Even when I find myself agreeing with someone’s policy (from time to time, Bill Clinton), I’m still sickened by their unnatural ability to coat even positive ideas in all manners of slime, wrestle it into the gutter and then repeatedly vomit in its face before presenting it to the people (see kids, that’s how a bill becomes a law!).

With Hillary Clinton, you get the same sleaze-with-a-smile that we’ve become forced to accept in our country. The countless examples listed above prove that you can’t trust her stance on any issue, as it is likely to change six times between the time you walk into the voting booth and actually pull the lever. Her loyalties lie only with herself and her ever-growing political war chest. Even her legendary, Nixonesque list of political “enemies” hints at the type of person she actually is. Beneath the “Hey America, let’s talk!” lies a calculating, political monster fueled only be her self-serving desire to make history and purge her legacy of her husband’s name.

To sum up, I won’t vote for Hillary Clinton because Hillary Clinton isn’t actually running for President of the United States… Hillary Clinton is running for President Hillary Clinton. Her past statements have alluded to her desire for more and more power, even as First Lady of Arkansas, and now she’s on the cusp of the final piece of the puzzle. A vote for Hillary is like accepting the mystery curtain on Let’s Make A Deal. Behind curtain number one we have Barack Obama, a warm, comfortable candidate with vision and desire fueled by an unshakable belief in what America was, and what it can be again. Behind curtain number two you have John Edwards, the country boy next door with big plans to eradicate poverty, bring health care to all and improve our public schools. Behind curtain number three, you have Hillary Clinton. Could it be free health care? Could it be the greatest windfall for the HMO industry in history? Could it be better schools? Could it be a repeat of No Child Left Behind? Could it be a pull-out in Iraq? Could it be war with Iran? You’ll never know unless you open that curtain!

… Aw hell, it’s a lifetime supply of Ol’ Roy dog food.


7 Responses to “I Will Not Vote For Hillary Clinton”

  1. Warren Says:

    I am glad someone put something like this up. It blows my mind that she is leading in the democratic polls. Like you stated, she goes as the wind blows. She goes where ever the majority of the polls goes. And then she goes to the losing side of the polls in secret and agrees with them. She never gave her opinion on the war. She hasn’t really made a stand and said “I hate the war and it was sheer stupidity for us to enter.” or “I love the war and glad that we are in it.” Make a freaking stand. I hate Kerry and am not afraid to admit to it. But at least he made it clear that he wanted to pull the troops from Iraq and end this war. That is what a president (or any elected leader) is supposed to do. They are suppose to make an educated decision and do what is right. If she doesn’t stand for any thing now, then what is to say she won’t back down as the leader of the free world. Hell, I knew she was just in politics for herself when she ran for senator of New York. And you are wondering how I knew this. Well, she was a Yankee’s fan and a Mets fan. And how is this significant? Um..as any baseball fan or New Yorker will know…YOU CAN’T BE FANS OF BOTH. It’s impossible. Now, you can be friends with the others but not fans. For example, I am a White Sox fan and I have friends that are Cubs fans. I don’t hate them for liking the Cubs. I admire them for making a stand on who they like. Now, this may sound petty but that just shows a glimpse of her character. You can’t please everyone. You can’t go around and change your mind about stuff on a whim when you are a leader. If Hillary wants my vote, start telling me what you stand for. Show me that you will fight for my rights. And when you start fighting for the common good, don’t back down. As was stated earlier in this blog, she backed down from the health care fight. She had a good idea and a good cause but backed down without a fight. If she was so driven and dedicated to the cause, why did she back down? But yeah, as of right now, my vote is either going to go to Obama or Edwards. And to be completely honest, Edwards is ahead right now for me anyways.

  2. shane Says:

    Cory, this is one of your best posts. I just hope enough people come to understand how the woman really is before it’s too late. The Clinton political machine is powerful, well oiled and convincing. Hell, I’ve even been impressed with how well she has been doing on the campaign trail after years of seeming cold and disconnected. She is like a talented but bored athlete who simply goes through the motions for three quarters and then turns it up a notch in the fourth when the game is on the line. Unless something drastic happens, I think she will get the nomination.

  3. Kevin Says:

    The world is coming to an end — Shane and Cory are agreeing on a political issue. Forget Harry Potter; that’s the realy devil’s work…

  4. Monsignor Henry Clay Says:

    What interests me the most is the striking difference between “nationwide” Democrats and “netroots” Democrats. While Hillary is leading nationally she is in the dumps in netroots land where Mr. Edwards holds sway. The fear of a Clintonocracy is rampant. I find it noteworthy that Cory stressed the “govern by poll numbers” ethos which was heavily employed by Billy. Nationally we think of the Clinton years with a sperm tainted nostalgia. But those who are knee deep in blue blood long to feel the feathery brush of fresh oxygen on their political skins.

  5. Kevin Says:

    One correction to Warren’s post, when he says you can’t be a New Yorker and be both a Mets fan and a Yankees fan.

    Actually, you can’t be a human and be a Yankees fan.

  6. Zack Says:

    I don’t know much about politics but you’ve almost convinced me, and I’m a democrat. I just end up watching all of the debates, and the daily show to make my decision who to vote for. Great blog though.

  7. Warren Says:

    Thank you Kevin for bringing that to my attention. I wasn’t really sure but didn’t really know. I will note that for future reference.

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